Dealing With The Doubters

It doesn't matter what you decide to do with your life, there will always be people who doubt what you're doing. You've probably already come across people like that. They'll tell you that what you're doing isn't worthy, is unnecessary, or that no one will even look at it.

This is something that happens a lot in the arts world. Whether you're a photographer, writer, graphic designer, musician, actor, film-maker, artist, there will be someone, somewhere who has uttered those immortal words, “What you're doing is complete crap. Why don't you get a proper job?”. Art, to many people, isn't a “proper job”. Yet those who find the time to put you down are sometimes the ones that will see highly paid sports, film, or music stars as being immortal. Everyone else who is working in that industry is, to many people, not worthy of the same kind of adoration.

So how do you deal with it?

Ignore It

That can be a hard one, especially if the words are coming from a friend or family member. Words have power and the negative ones are the ones that live with us the longest. They're the hardest to forget and the most painful ones to remember. Don't give in to what they're saying. Often the person will want you to react and start an argument. Just smile and walk away.

Don't React

The best thing you can do is not to react. People are allowed an opinion but then so are you. You're doing what you're doing for a reason. You may not know that reason yet but there's a feeling inside of you that you have to keep going, that there's some end goal that you'll eventually reach. You don't know what that end goal is (a lot of us don't even if we have an idea of where we'd like to end up). Tell them that they're allowed their opinion and, again, smile and walk away.

Don't Go Looking For It

You might already know which places or people are going to tell you that your life's work is useless and the best thing you can do is not go there. Whether this is a bar, club, website or online group, the best thing might be for you to step out of it. If you feel the need to go back, give it a few weeks or months before you do. If you have work out in the world, don't go looking for reviews. I made that mistake when I was first publishing books and I now only go to Amazon or Goodreads to buy or rate books. I don't go looking for the reviews or ratings that others have left on my own.

Surround Yourself With Good People

Have you found some really awesome people who are supportive of what you do? Awesome! Hang on to them. They're precious people and, while they may not like everything you do, you know that you can trust them to be truthful. Rather than just dismissing what you're doing, they'll be able to point what needs fixing and pick you up when the going gets tough. Look after them like you would your own family because these people are hard to come by but will stay with you forever.

What you are doing has a deep meaning to you. Follow what your heart is telling you and keep putting your beautiful work out there.  

Remember Who You Are

Do you remember what it was like to be a kid? Do you remember what it was like to play and dream and talk of the future? Do you remember what you wanted to be when you were eight years old?

As we go through life we lose track of those memories. We forget that child who dreamed of being a vet, or an astronaut, or a storyteller. We forget about the wonder of looking at a clear night sky or taking a walk through the woods. We become worn and beaten down and stop looking at the world through innocent eyes. We forget that, at eight years old, we believed we could do, or be, anything.

Society tells us that, once you reach a certain age, there is no time for imagination or play. Adults must no longer allow their minds to wander to the impossible words of “What if?”.

But what would happen if you allowed your mind to wander? Where would it go? What would you see? Who would you meet? The mind is an amazing place, filled with all manner of incredible stories. It's the place where dreams live, where ideas are born, and where the first tentative steps of travel are taken. There's truth in the saying “You can do anything you put your mind to”. It will take hard work and perseverance but it can be done.

Release yourself and let your imagination soar. Allow it to go to the places that it stopped exploring when you reached adulthood. Go back and remember who you were. Remember that innocence and freedom and embrace. Let your fears go. And when you dare to dream have the courage to follow through with them because none of us knows what tomorrow will bring.

One Year On...

This past weekend marks a year since I took the last dose of Seroquel. Over the course of twelve months, I was weaned down from 200 milligrams a day to nothing. On March 28^th 2015, I took the final dose.

As I've written before, it wasn't an easy journey. There were the usual withdrawals that you'd associate with any kind of drug. Then there was the case of adjusting back to real life, something which I'm still going through.

This whole process has not been without its problems but it has been fun and interesting. Along the way, I've had to choose what I want to do. Do I give in to the darkness that my mental health can bring? Or do I look to the sun and live in the light? Taking this final step has also taught me that, in life, it takes strength to do anything.

It takes strength to quit an argument.

It takes strength to follow your heart.

It takes strength to be the person you want to be.

It takes strength to make changes.

It takes strength to grow and heal.

It takes strength to live.

Life would be boring if it was easy. We're given challenges to teach us how to face ourselves and our future. What we experience can make us. It's up to you to decide what to do with whatever comes along. Some experiences will make you want to give up. Others will leave you speechless with pride and happiness.

Life is about moving forwards. Even if your movements are slow, you're still going somewhere. The final destination is yours to choose.

This isn't the end. In fact, it's the beginning of a whole new journey. The journey may not be quick but it is about moving forward, even if it's just one step at a time.

Welcome to a whole new chapter. May your life be filled with beauty and love.

http://www.facebook.com/tobymac

The Loneliest Road

There are some periods in our life when we find ourselves alone. We may still be surrounded by family and friends but these people not understand the journey you're taking. The path you're walking may be one relating to your career, relationships, or another aspect of your life. You may not want others to know what you're working through or they may not want to know. It's a hard choice between living a life that seems normal and following what's going on in your heart.

Taking a life journey by yourself can be one of the most daunting things. You're alone with no one to talk it and the only company is yourself. It's not a straight road, either, and one that is often fraught with sharp turns and shadowy embankments. You don't know what you're going to find around the next corner and your drive to find out won't allow you to stop.

But it's the loneliness that can become crippling. Everyone needs someone to talk to, to explain what they're doing and to find reassurance for their actions. The longest, loneliest road often doesn't have these people and the person taking this journey can find themselves isolated and depressed. They want to talk. They want to share what they've seen and what they've found. Yet, all too often, the understanding souls they can talk to just aren't there.

The creative arts are like this and I've known many people who've stood on this road and asked themselves what they're doing. They've debated turning back and giving up because they can't abide the darkness that consumes them. They hate being alone and want someone to share the joy of the journey with.

I'm going through this at the moment. While I watch my friends and family prepare for huge, life changing events I find myself sitting here with piles of paperwork as I try and get my latest project off the ground. There's no promise that it will work but I can't sit back and think “what if?”. I'm driven to do it and only I can put in the work that will make it come to life. The risk and the not knowing is part of this journey that so many people take. Yet, along the way, I can't help but feel the pangs of loneliness as I watch people I know gather, laugh and celebrate.

Yet I've also seen so many people who've reached the end of the road and found amazing things at the end. Much like the proverbial pot at the end of the rainbow, they've hit the jackpot in more ways than they can imagine.

The journey may be long and it may be hard. It may seem to be fraught with danger and darkness. But good things can only come from it. Never give up and know that you're never alone.

Let Your Weird Little Light Shine

Authors talk about a lot of things and one issue that I hear a lot is “I don't think this story is commercial enough”.

You know what? Who cares? If you're enjoying working on whatever you're writing, that's all that matters, right? If you believe in the story you're telling and the worlds you're creating try and put the “Will it sell?” aspect to one side. Enjoy the process and whatever is coming out of your mind.

If you put your frequency out there, people will respond. They'll find you and seek you out. They'll be attracted to the weird little light that's shining from your soul. The world needs a lot more of that right now. It needs people who believe in and enjoy what they're doing. It needs for like minded people to connect together through the arts.

This applies to everyone who makes something. If you want to make Bhangra infused trip-hop, do it. If you want to make a film about the life of a blade of grass, do it. If you want to make jewellery from straw, do it. Don't think about what will be if you don't go down that commercial route. Follow your heart and put out whatever you want to put out.

It took me a long time to realise that. There were many years where I thought that I had to follow the trends and write to those patterns in order to try and make a name for myself. Slowly it dawned on me that the stories I was writing weren't resonating well with me. Whenever I sat down to write, my brain felt foggy and my body felt tired. I slept a lot and did everything other than write.

Yet that all changed when I changed my tactic and began writing the stories that had lived in my mind for so many years. I found people who enjoyed them. I found others who offered to proofread or get the idea out into the world. I found a little community of others whose inner light is just as strange as mine. They may come and go from my life, but I love each and every one of them. I adore hearing from them and sharing ideas. They may disappear for a year or two but, whenever they return, they're welcomed with open arms. These people are my tribe and I feel so much better for having them around.

So write that strange story. Put those weird worlds on to paper. Send it out in to the world and see what happens. Create whatever makes you happy and try not to think of what other people will think. Because there'll be far more time to write that commercial bestseller when you more content.

For Sale

Learning to Live

It's been nearly a year since I came off the medication. The drugs I was given were used to control the after effects of my 2004 drug overdose. In the wake of that, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. 

I'm not going to lie; it's not been an easy twelve months. There's been a lot of ups and downs and a lot of learning. Emotions have been bubbling to the surface and sometimes I haven't been sure of what they were. Anger? Exhaustion? Happiness? It's all been a little confusing but I finally feel like I'm getting a handle on it. As every day dawns, I ask “What am I going to learn today?”.

Grief has been a recent emotion I've been dealing with. Grief for what's been and gone. Grief for the years I feel like I lost to recovery. Grief for the things that have happened and the people that have come and gone from my life. Grief as I debate whether to lay long held dreams to rest and live the hand that I've been dealt.

But I refuse to give up. I believe that I have more to give this world than what you read in my books or on here. Keeping going is hard. It's like battering your head against a brick wall. It's like trying to break down walls with a fork. It's like long, endless nights of crying as you try not to slip back into the comforting depths of depression. It's being strong when your body and brain just want to give up.

I could choose between darkness or light, between the crippling depression or the brightness of love. Being evil and vindictive felt good. But that flicker of power was just that; a brief burst in an otherwise bleak world. To choose happiness, and to be happy, felt so much better. And it wasn't for me. It wasn't a choice of ego. Rather it was the happiness at seeing people smile and laugh. It was the beauty of a sunrise, the joy of a song, or the pleasure of a favourite snack. It was about enjoying the little things in life while working on the bigger things. It was, and still is, about letting go of the negative people and situations that were dragging me down. It's been about letting go of the hurt from the past; attacks, drug and alcohol abuse, and people who've seen someone who they can abuse. It was about being kind rather than cruel. Most of all, it was about being comfortable with myself and who I am rather than seeking out those dark corners of drama and dispute.

It was about not letting the darkness win again.