Life at the End of Your Comfort Zone

What does your comfort zone look like? Is it a warm, safe space that you never want to leave? Do you want to leave it but worry about doing so?

This time last year, my comfort zone was torn apart when I moved house. Everything I'd ever known and loved was being packed up and moved across town. It was uncomfortable and painful and I fought it tooth and nail. I wanted to stay in the warm, happy space that I knew. I didn't want to be anywhere else. Yet this move was only the start.

It's a theme that's continued well in to this year. At least once a month, I've had to face up to another fear, whether that's going to a venue that I greatly dislike or learning how to communicate with people. I've met people I never thought I'd meet and done things that, two years ago, I'd have laughed if you'd told me I'd be doing them. 2016 has, for many people, been a year of upheaval and change whether it's been in their personal lives or through watching their favourite musicians die.

Yet it's also been a year that's shown many of us where we're supposed to be heading. We've discovered who our true friends are or that our career needs a shake up. The comfort zones that we know have been taken apart and reassembled elsewhere.

It's uncomfortable when your comfort zone starts to dissolve. You may feel frustrated, depressed, and angry. You may get upset with the people around you and have trouble controlling your emotions. I know that all of that happened for me, and is still happening. Little by little, I'm being taken away from the places I used to know and being put somewhere completely new. It's unnerving yet, at the same time, it's exciting. I've wanted to do different things for a long time and now, slowly but surely, they're happening. There are times when it's still distressing but I know that it's part of the growth that I need to go through to become the person that I'm supposed to be.

If you know you need to be somewhere else in your life, get ready for things to happen in order for you to get there. It may be a move, or a loss, or something entirely different. You may have people put on your path who are sent to teach you something, or even to guide you to the next place. Keep your eyes open and trust that things happen for a reason (Again, a year ago, I wouldn't have believed that to be true. But so many things have happened that have lead me to believe that so many things that happen to us have a reason behind them). Let go of everything you know and go with the flow because who knows where you're going to end up!

Dealing With The Doubters

It doesn't matter what you decide to do with your life, there will always be people who doubt what you're doing. You've probably already come across people like that. They'll tell you that what you're doing isn't worthy, is unnecessary, or that no one will even look at it.

This is something that happens a lot in the arts world. Whether you're a photographer, writer, graphic designer, musician, actor, film-maker, artist, there will be someone, somewhere who has uttered those immortal words, “What you're doing is complete crap. Why don't you get a proper job?”. Art, to many people, isn't a “proper job”. Yet those who find the time to put you down are sometimes the ones that will see highly paid sports, film, or music stars as being immortal. Everyone else who is working in that industry is, to many people, not worthy of the same kind of adoration.

So how do you deal with it?

Ignore It

That can be a hard one, especially if the words are coming from a friend or family member. Words have power and the negative ones are the ones that live with us the longest. They're the hardest to forget and the most painful ones to remember. Don't give in to what they're saying. Often the person will want you to react and start an argument. Just smile and walk away.

Don't React

The best thing you can do is not to react. People are allowed an opinion but then so are you. You're doing what you're doing for a reason. You may not know that reason yet but there's a feeling inside of you that you have to keep going, that there's some end goal that you'll eventually reach. You don't know what that end goal is (a lot of us don't even if we have an idea of where we'd like to end up). Tell them that they're allowed their opinion and, again, smile and walk away.

Don't Go Looking For It

You might already know which places or people are going to tell you that your life's work is useless and the best thing you can do is not go there. Whether this is a bar, club, website or online group, the best thing might be for you to step out of it. If you feel the need to go back, give it a few weeks or months before you do. If you have work out in the world, don't go looking for reviews. I made that mistake when I was first publishing books and I now only go to Amazon or Goodreads to buy or rate books. I don't go looking for the reviews or ratings that others have left on my own.

Surround Yourself With Good People

Have you found some really awesome people who are supportive of what you do? Awesome! Hang on to them. They're precious people and, while they may not like everything you do, you know that you can trust them to be truthful. Rather than just dismissing what you're doing, they'll be able to point what needs fixing and pick you up when the going gets tough. Look after them like you would your own family because these people are hard to come by but will stay with you forever.

What you are doing has a deep meaning to you. Follow what your heart is telling you and keep putting your beautiful work out there.  

Let Your Weird Little Light Shine

Authors talk about a lot of things and one issue that I hear a lot is “I don't think this story is commercial enough”.

You know what? Who cares? If you're enjoying working on whatever you're writing, that's all that matters, right? If you believe in the story you're telling and the worlds you're creating try and put the “Will it sell?” aspect to one side. Enjoy the process and whatever is coming out of your mind.

If you put your frequency out there, people will respond. They'll find you and seek you out. They'll be attracted to the weird little light that's shining from your soul. The world needs a lot more of that right now. It needs people who believe in and enjoy what they're doing. It needs for like minded people to connect together through the arts.

This applies to everyone who makes something. If you want to make Bhangra infused trip-hop, do it. If you want to make a film about the life of a blade of grass, do it. If you want to make jewellery from straw, do it. Don't think about what will be if you don't go down that commercial route. Follow your heart and put out whatever you want to put out.

It took me a long time to realise that. There were many years where I thought that I had to follow the trends and write to those patterns in order to try and make a name for myself. Slowly it dawned on me that the stories I was writing weren't resonating well with me. Whenever I sat down to write, my brain felt foggy and my body felt tired. I slept a lot and did everything other than write.

Yet that all changed when I changed my tactic and began writing the stories that had lived in my mind for so many years. I found people who enjoyed them. I found others who offered to proofread or get the idea out into the world. I found a little community of others whose inner light is just as strange as mine. They may come and go from my life, but I love each and every one of them. I adore hearing from them and sharing ideas. They may disappear for a year or two but, whenever they return, they're welcomed with open arms. These people are my tribe and I feel so much better for having them around.

So write that strange story. Put those weird worlds on to paper. Send it out in to the world and see what happens. Create whatever makes you happy and try not to think of what other people will think. Because there'll be far more time to write that commercial bestseller when you more content.