Last year I had a break up. After a decade long relationship, I decided it was time to move
on from my favourite band and find someone else to love. How did it
go?
Well...
It started out great!
Even before the break up, I had another love lined up. They would
become my new favourite band and I'd go to their concerts, buy their
CDs, and collect their merch. We'd be happy together as we followed
one another around the world. It would be the perfect romance, a
blend of life and music.
Only it didn't work out
as well as I thought it would. It didn't take long for the cracks to
start appearing. I changed to love my new band and tried to fit in
with their world.
But, just like my first
love, things began to fall apart. We argued over things. I called
them “narcissistic”. They told me I needed to “Lighten up”.
So I lightened up and began to take their humour in good faith. I
began to enjoy who they were. I even began to listen to some of their
deep cuts, eagerly laying my hands on the rarities and long lost
shows.
Yet, at the same time,
I felt that I didn't fit in with them. There was something that
wasn't quite... right. It wasn't them and it wasn't me. We just
weren't a good team and I didn't feel like I was being true to
myself. I'd allowed myself to get wrapped up in their hype. There was
no way our relationship was going to work.
So I wandered away,
made that call and went back to my ex-favourite band. I feel
comfortable with them, accepted even. I feel like I don't have to
prove anything to be a part of them. I can just be... me. And that's
important.
Sometimes we want to be
a part of something. We want to be a part of a group or a gang. We
want to feel accepted and loved. Sometimes we even change to fit in
with a particular group. We feel that we have to in order to be
someone or to be accepted.
But it doesn't have to
be that way. The most important thing is you and what you want. And
if you have to take time away from something you love in order to
find out where you're supposed to be in this world, then that's
perfectly fine. You may never find a place where you feel at home. Or
you may feel perfectly fine by yourself, drifting along alone.
Whatever you choose to do is the right choice for you.
For now, I'm going to
have a honeymoon with my first love again. Who knows, it might invite
my second love and create a musical threesome. Have a great weekend,
y'all!
~~~
Rae is the author of
the award winning Veetu Industries series. Her latest book, a Cold
War post-apocalyptic thriller titled "A Second Past Midnight", came out in April. When she's not
writing, she loves anything to do with music. Obviously. All of her
books are available from Torquere Press.
