Last year I had a break up. After a decade long relationship, I decided it was time to move on from my favourite band and find someone else to love. How did it go?
It started out great! Even before the break up, I had another love lined up. They would become my new favourite band and I'd go to their concerts, buy their CDs, and collect their merch. We'd be happy together as we followed one another around the world. It would be the perfect romance, a blend of life and music.
Only it didn't work out as well as I thought it would. It didn't take long for the cracks to start appearing. I changed to love my new band and tried to fit in with their world.
But, just like my first love, things began to fall apart. We argued over things. I called them “narcissistic”. They told me I needed to “Lighten up”. So I lightened up and began to take their humour in good faith. I began to enjoy who they were. I even began to listen to some of their deep cuts, eagerly laying my hands on the rarities and long lost shows.
Yet, at the same time, I felt that I didn't fit in with them. There was something that wasn't quite... right. It wasn't them and it wasn't me. We just weren't a good team and I didn't feel like I was being true to myself. I'd allowed myself to get wrapped up in their hype. There was no way our relationship was going to work.
So I wandered away, made that call and went back to my ex-favourite band. I feel comfortable with them, accepted even. I feel like I don't have to prove anything to be a part of them. I can just be... me. And that's important.
Sometimes we want to be a part of something. We want to be a part of a group or a gang. We want to feel accepted and loved. Sometimes we even change to fit in with a particular group. We feel that we have to in order to be someone or to be accepted.
But it doesn't have to be that way. The most important thing is you and what you want. And if you have to take time away from something you love in order to find out where you're supposed to be in this world, then that's perfectly fine. You may never find a place where you feel at home. Or you may feel perfectly fine by yourself, drifting along alone. Whatever you choose to do is the right choice for you.
For now, I'm going to have a honeymoon with my first love again. Who knows, it might invite my second love and create a musical threesome. Have a great weekend, y'all!
Rae is the author of the award winning Veetu Industries series. Her latest book, a Cold War post-apocalyptic thriller titled "A Second Past Midnight", came out in April. When she's not writing, she loves anything to do with music. Obviously. All of her books are available from Torquere Press.