Destiny

Have you ever felt like you're on this planet to do something? Has there been a gnawing feeling in your stomach, one that, no matter how hard you try, you can't ignore?

When I was six, I knew what I wanted to do with my life. By the time I was sixteen, I was telling everyone I was going to Hollywood. When I was nineteen I had offers from film schools in Los Angeles, New York, and the Netherlands. Up until that point, all I'd wanted to do was make action films. That was it.

Then it all came crashing down when I was raped.

That one moment, that single night, killed something inside of me, crushed my spirit and made me forget my dreams. The film school I'd chosen offered to put my place on hold for a year but I couldn't do it.

I finally did go to film school, albeit in the UK but, by then, it was too late. I was desperately trying to forget my past and, in doing so, started to destroy my life. I was argumentative and uncooperative. I most certainly wasn't in the best head space to be at school. I began drinking and taking drugs as I desperately tried to prove that I was still a human being, a creature with a soul and a spirit.

But that spirit had been crushed. It was withering and dying and I was becoming an empty husk.

You know how the story goes next. I was told I needed to quit drinking as, if I didn't, I'd be due a new liver in a matter of weeks. Then I overdosed.

That shit had to stop.

For the next ten years, I pulled myself back together, bouncing around the country from place to place and job to job. Settling wasn't an option as, in the ruins of my soul, there was this inkling that I needed to be doing something. I couldn't survive doing the regular 9 to 5 routine. I didn't want to have a house or a car or any of the other trappings of life. Not until I got to this unknown destination.

I started writing again. It took time and it took effort. I had to battle through the haze of medication I'd been given in the wake of my overdose. I had to learn to discipline myself into putting words on to paper.

Writing screenplays 101: Make new "friends".

So I did and I got lucky. I've had a few things published and picked up a couple of awards along the way. I'm very proud of everything I've done in these past few years and I thought that was it. My books were getting into peoples hands and I was happy.

Then the gnawing started again. My feet became unsettled and I found myself stressed for no reason other than being stressed. I got shouty and angry. My moods were swinging and I began to question life. Was this all there was? Was I going to spend the rest of my life in a tiny town and occasionally leave to go somewhere nice for a few days?

In June 2014 I had an email from a friend who religiously reads everything I put out. “This needs to be written as a screenplay. Do NOT do anything else with it. Screenplay first.”

This needs to be written as a screenplay.

Those words whirled around my head. Could I? Should I?

Suddenly that gnawing went to a whole new level. It began to take over me until I couldn't ignore it any more. So I got to work.

It took several months of going through notes, rewriting ideas, and generally making friends with my crippled soul again. But, by the end of it, I had a passable first draft. And, for the first time in years, I felt at peace. Suddenly the stress had melted away and I'd stopped caring about so many things which, quite frankly, didn't need my energy to care about. I stopped worrying so much. It felt as though my body was singing a different song. It felt as though I was on the right track again. My gut feeling says that it is. Over the past few months I've learned to listen to that sixth sense a little more so I'm going to do it now and follow this path. Let's see where it goes!

Next stop, Los Angeles?

My 2014

Or, how I can write about my year better than Facebook ever can!

January

Phew! Another year starts. New year, new me and all of that. At least one book due out this year.

February

Getting ready to release “The Eve of War”. On the downside, I had the first bout of a crippling ear infection.

March

First round of edits for “A Second Past Midnight” come in.

April

This happened:

May

“The Eve of War” is released! Yayyy!!

June

First draft of a new novel was finished.

July

Had a short story accepted for anti-love anthology “No Love Lost”.

August

This happened:

September

This happened:

https://www.facebook.com/foofamiluk

October

Started on the first draft of a screenplay and finished up the next round of edits on “A Second Past Midnight”.

November

“No More Touts” came to an end. While it didn’t have the ending that was expected, you never know what’s around the corner, nor what’s waiting in the wings. It did, however, bring about a lot of new friendships and exciting times!

December

“No Love Lost” published!

And Christmas! Time for a sit down and some time with friends and family. 

~~~ 

My Favourite  Blog Posts of 2014

Given to Live

No More Touts Master List

RIP Tom

Sound City Visit

Spirits of Las Vegas

~~~

Thank you all for an amazing year and I’m really looking forward to seeing some of you soon! Here’s to an incredible 2015 together!

Sound City

If you're a film or music buff, chances are you've come across the stunning Sound City documentary. The film is Dave Grohl's love letter to a studio which nearly went to the wall, a building which has played host to some of the most famous musicians in history. Fleetwood Mac, Rick Springfield, Buckingham Nicks, Nine Inch Nails, REO Speedwagon, Tom Petty and, of course, Nirvana have all graced the studio.

As we were planning a trip to LA, one of our party (thanks, Kirri!) decided to get in touch with the original owners to see if we could visit and take a look around. All we were told was to turn up before mid-day.

So we did.

They've kept the famous painted sign which welcomes you to the studios. Driving beneath it, you feel a sense of calm and anticipation. How many people have driven through that driveway? How many of them are the same people you now see screaming around a stage in front of 80,000 people? How did they feel when they first arrived? Were they excited? Nervous? Inspired?

We chose to drive up the ramp and onto the parking lot on top of the building, before we realised that actually, we probably should have parked right outside the studio. Oh well...

First port of call was to knock on the door of Fairfax Recordings. The building, unlike the rest of them, is now blue (The others have retained their famous cream colouring). The door was answered by a nervous looking young man who had no idea who we were looking for but kindly allowed us to use the bathroom and clear a few bottles of water from the fridge. Finally, we discovered that Sandy, our contact, hadn't yet arrived on the site.

It was just before 11am. We were closing in on our deadline of mid-day so we decided to take a walk. We found a Denny's a short way up the road and debated what to do. We were hot, tired, and jet lagged. We'd driven for 4 hours. If we didn't get in we'd at least been on the property. We'd driven, and walked, beneath the famous sign and we'd seen a wall of records from many of the artists who'd worked there.

But... There's always a but. What if we didn't try again? We'd regret it for the rest of our lives.

We made the decision to go back and try again. Besides, there was no harm, right? So we trudged back and took another stab at the door. This time it was answered by the wonderful Sandy and we were welcomed in like long lost friends! Suddenly we were standing in the offices and looking around in awe. There were photographs mounted on wooden plaques (what people would be given before the invention of the gold record) and too many other things to take in. Much to our delight, Tom, the founder and owner, was around. Again, there was another big welcome and any nerves we'd been feeling melted away. We were happy and excited. We'd travelled half way around the world for this moment and it felt like every crazy dream you've ever had was coming true.

It was time and, with fluttering hearts, we made our way back to the blue building. The film gives you the sense that the offices and studios are in one building. They're not. You drive under the sign and find yourself in a parking lot with buildings on three sides. The front buildings house the offices while the ones in the back contain the studios. Facing the U-shaped building, the part with the drum room is to your left, while the ones straight ahead and to the right are now leased to other companies (Sandy made the comment that they've gone from leasing studios to leasing property).

We went back through the large, frosted glass door and met the young man we'd originally spoken to. Gone are the brown, carpeted walls. A few of the non-supporting walls have been knocked down to open the space up. You find yourself in a large, white area with a kitchen to your right and a snug, containing books, records, and couches, straight ahead. To your left is a large door.

You're taken to the door and let in. Your head snaps back and your jaw hits the floor. This is the room you've heard so much about. This is the room which is famed for recording drums in (bands, most notably Metallica, have done “blind tests” on such rooms. A piece of drum sound is recorded and sent back to the band. They then choose where to records based on that sound. Metallica recorded “Death Magnetic” at Sound City based purely on the snippet they heard).

And it's not changed. From the black and white photos you've seen, to the film, to actually standing in it, not one inch of it has been altered. No one knows exactly why the room sounds like it does. Some attribute it the building once having been used for making amplification. Others say it's because of whatever was used in the brickwork. Whatever it is, the room has a presence.

The door's closed behind you and a pressure closes around you. Your ears pop. Part of it is to do with it being a studio and it needing to be somewhat soundproof. The rest of it I can only place on the people who have passed though it. Their essence, their blood, sweat, and tears have soaked into the walls and left behind an undeniable presence. You can feel them in the air and see their ghostly images wandering back and forth. As my brother said, rooms like that have a personality all of their own. It's an inspiring place and I'm not sorry to say that I cried while I was there. I could have spent many days just sitting in that room and soaking up the atmosphere. I feel that some of my best work would have come from just being there and I'm desperately trying to cling on to the feelings and emotions which barreled through me.

Typical f-ing drummer. Just stands around and lets everyone else set up for them!

The control room, compared to many, feels basic. It was refreshing, a beautiful break from the constant glare of computers. Again, it's remained the same as it's always been. The famous Neve desk is no longer there, having been bought by Grohl when the studio was closing down. They do have another analogue desk and, much to my excitement, a two inch tape machine. I hadn't seen one of those since my early film-making days and I stared at it like a long lost friend. 

We were blessed to be witnesses to a hundred different stories of the people who've been through the studio. We learned a lot and I'm forever grateful to Sandy and Tom for letting us invade their space for an hour. Tom returned to see us off and handed out hugs and smiles like they were candy. It was an experience which I hope, one day, to relive. Fingers crossed, our musical family will wind up there one day. Until then, I'll hold on to my photos, my Sound City shirt (Thanks, Sandy!), my DVD, and my precious memories. Next time, I hope to be working there, with the people who feel like a home away from home. A family, bonded together by their love of music.

In 2011, Sound City ceased commercial operations. Thanks to the film, and the resurgence in interest, the studios are now operated by Fairfax Recordings. The famous drum room is still there. It's still analogue (but they do have a ProTools rig). The Neve desk, which features so heavily in the documentary it's pretty much the main character, is now owned by Grohl. So you'll have to go and knock on his front door if you want to use that.

If you haven't seen the film, go and watch it. It really is a love letter, not just to the studio, but to music in general.

 http://buy.soundcitymovie.com/

More of Rae's Sound City photos.

Bright Lights, Big City

I’m not normally a nervous traveller. When I was younger, I spent a lot of time, both with and without my parents, hopping around the globe. Flying was a freedom and meeting new people was a celebration.

Then 9/11, 7/7, and an overdose happened and suddenly my confidence was shot to Hell. I didn’t want to leave the safety of my own country. Because of it, I missed out on some amazing opportunities.

In mid-2013, I had an email from a friend. Would I like a week in Vegas? Vegas has always been one of those places I’ve wanted to visit. For well over a decade, I pined for the bright lights, the jingling slot machines, and the desert warmth (for the record, I’m not a fan of the heat, nor the sun). I wanted to see what it was like living a higher roller life on a bookies pay cheque.

On April 11^th, I boarded my first flight in nearly a decade and, within minutes, was reminded why I love flying so much. There’s a freedom to breaking free to gravity, to feeling the wheels rumble over the asphalt before the ground disappears and the plane makes for the sky. I’d forgotten how nice it was to sit back with a drink and watch a film. I’d forgotten what it was like to make friends with the cabin crew. I’d forgotten what it was like to look out of the window and watch the sea below.

The downside was it was a long flight. Due to cost restraints, I’d split it in two and changed planes in New York. On the upside, I got to show a young girl the New York skyline as we came in to land. She’d never seen it before and it was a pleasure to point out the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, and the Chrysler Building. On the return trip, I had the pleasure of sitting next to a gentleman who was making his first trip to the UK. He was coming to see family he hadn’t seen for over thirty years. It was an honour to sit next to him and talk about our lives. It brought tears to my eyes to be the first to welcome him to the UK.

Vegas is exactly as you’d imagine it to be. It’s all bright lights and loud music. There’s slot machines everywhere and adverts for shows and restaurants decorate the cabs and buildings. Unfortunately it’s no longer the Vegas of yore. Gone are the sub-$5 buffets and no longer do you hear the jangle of thousands of quarters dropping from machines. The hotels crank up charges for whatever they can (beware of the “resort fees” if you ever visit. I knew of them before I went but they were still a shock to the poor credit card on my return).

Yet, Vegas is what you make it and I had experiences that I’ll never get again. How many times are you going to be able to stand comfortably at the carrier of a concert? I did and, in the process, managed to shoot 200+ photos of one of my favourite bands (I’m still sorting through them all!). Where else are you going to have free drinks brought to you while you gamble? Yep, did that as well! Partied down on Freemont Street? I can check that off my Bucket List too! (Incidentally, we’re thinking of staying down there next time. Apparently there will be a next time)

I also had the honour of looking around the legendary Sound City Studios, but that requires a blog post all of its own. We also visited the apartment where Megadeth were formed back in 1983 and did a drive by on Studio 606 (Prize to the first person who can name who that belongs to!). We danced on Santa Monica beach and rode the carousel on the pier. We watched the sun set over Hollywood.

Would I do Vegas and LA again? Oh, heck yes! Without a doubt I’d go again. Hopefully, next time, it’ll be for longer…

Rae’s Vegas Tips and Tricks

Here’s a few tips and tricks I picked up along the way.

• Know the resort fees before you go. These change from year to year and the only way to get out of paying them is if you spend enough over your resort. We were with the MGM group so get a player’s card and use it everywhere you can.
• The player’s card (M-Life if you’re with the MGM group) will get you discounts and helps rack up points towards your next visit. Keep it on you at all times.
• Carry water with you everywhere. It’s surprising how quickly air conditioning and the desert heat can dry your throat. Some stores and restaurants will refill bottles for free (Lush in Mandalay Bay were awesome for this).
• Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen – ‘cause that desert sun is brutal.
• Budget about $200 a day for food, drink, and all the pretties you want to buy. Budget more if you’re going to gamble.
• If you have an addictive personality, know your limits when it comes to gambling. Give your cards and cash to a friend to hold if you’re worried. All casinos, by law, have to carry the number of Gambling Anonymous. Call it if you need it.
• All the resorts are linked by trams, monorails, and walkways. Be prepared to walk. A lot.
• If you don’t want to walk, the buses run 24 hours up and down the Strip. It’s $8 for a 24 hour pass.
• See all the sights. The Bellagio fountains, the Venetian canals, and the New York New York skyline. They’re free so make the most of them!
• Do Freemont Street. It’s the old part of Vegas and you’ll find lots of like minded people to let loose with. There’s nothing quite like dancing in the street! Plus, it’s cheaper than the Strip.
• Talk to people because guidebooks only tell you so much.
• People don’t care what you look like. Dress up to the nines, or go and play blackjack in your onesie!
•  Go with friends. Or make new ones while you're out there. Vegas is a hell of a lot more fun with company!