My immune system is broken. I make no bones about it, nor how it came to be that way. This is what nearly 15 years of illegal, and prescription, drug use does to you. It might not happen to everyone but, for me, it's left me having to take life at a slow, steady pace. With love and care, my body will hopefully repair itself. For the time being, I'm eating a healthy diet and loading up on vitamins and minerals. And I'm lucky to be alive, something that I'm eternally grateful for.
With it comes a whole slew of side effects. The exhaustion is crippling and some days it starts before I've even slipped out of bed. My energy levels go up and down more often than a roller coaster. And my social life is non-existent because I'm either too tired, am recovering from some virus, or am trying to avoid another. It's not you, it really is me!
But all of this has given me the time to follow my heart. It's given me the chance to search deep inside of myself and rediscover those hopes and dreams that I'd previously thrown to the wind. It's allowed me to sit back and start working on these things at a slower pace. Things may seem like they're not happening but, deep down, you know that there's a shift happening and that there is something bigger just over the horizon.
Your dreams don't happen overnight. They take a lot of work. So what happens when the inevitable tiredness raises its ugly head? How do you push through the pain and weariness to keep on going?
Often this is when people stumble and stop. The exhaustion and the effort drive them to do it, forcing them to stop and make do with the life they have. Their mind tells them that everything they're working for doesn't exist and that there is no use in carrying on. Why bother when there will be nothing to show for it at the end?
But, rather than going wrong, what if it all goes so right? What if everything you've ever wanted is just going to take one more little push?
When the doubt and the exhaustion arrive, stop for a few days. Take a step back and enjoy the life that you have right now. Look at where you are and all that you've accomplished. Those amazing photographs that everyone comments on? Yep, you took those. That story that everyone is raving about? Yep, you wrote that. That piece of art that's hanging in the little coffee shop in town? Yep, you created that. The song that a stranger is currently passing around social media? Yep, you wrote that.
When I'm too tired to move, I stop and step away from my computer. I go and lie on the sofa. Or read a book. Or listen to some music. When the doubt appears, I think back on the wonderful reviews and comments I've had about my writing. It's the push I need to pick myself up the next day and do a little more.
Just because the big things haven't arrived yet doesn't mean that they won't. They will but you have to keep pushing on through to reach them. Enjoy what you have right now and, once you feel ready, go back to what you were doing.
You can do this, one step at a time...