Confusion

Sometimes I leave this blog for a while because I feel like I have nothing to say. It happens out in the real world, too, when my brain and mouth don't co-operate and I forget what I was going to say or just can't get the right words out in time. It's the same when it comes to writing. That has a name and we call it Writer's Block.

How it sometimes feels!

Some of it comes down to a feeling of uselessness, of feeling isolated in a world that I don't connect with. There are some days when I sit and watch the news, or read a magazine, or scroll through social media and feel like I'm living on a planet that isn't my home. I wonder why people find celebrities fascinating, why wars continue to happen over the tiniest thing, or why a video is suddenly headline news. For me, there are days when none of it makes sense and it feels as though you can't see the wood for the trees.

Other times, it's a sense that my voice is too small for this world. That people don't want to listen because, to them, what I have to say is of no meaning. So why waste the time trying to verbalise my opinions to such people?

Some of it could also be down to still adjusting to a life without medication. It's not unknown for the body to take months to make the adjustment, long after the brain has made the necessary alterations.

More often than not, it's related to stress and the exhaustion that brings with it. Recently I moved house and, for the first two weeks, I could do little more than sleep and work. I'd get up, go to work, come home, and just... fade as though there was a switch deep inside of me that would flick off. It was that point where you knew you'd get nothing more done that day. Which is tough to deal with especially when there's a hundred and one things you want to do.

For me, I saw it as a chance to relax and heal. This is a new stage in life. A new place for me to be. A chance for me to sort out my old belongings and put plans in to action for the next period of this thing that we call “Life”. There's many things I want to do and now I feel like I have a fighting chance of doing them. One thing I am learning is that it takes time. Things don't happen overnight. Nor do they happen without some kind of effort on our part. Blood, sweat and tears really do lead to success, whether it's today, tomorrow, or in ten years time.

But there are also times when you just need to take it easy and appreciate what you have around you. For none of us know what tomorrow brings. 

~~~

Rae is the author of the award winning Veetu Industries series. You can find all of her books here.