I've been through a lot of tough periods in my life. I've debated suicide several times. I've gotten as far as planning it a couple of times. I went through a lot of crap as a teenager and I'm thankful that there were people there who helped me get through those rough times.
I'll never forget one of them playing me a song. They'll probably never know the impact it had on my life, but it turned me in to a diehard fan of the band. Known for its rumbling bass line, Megadeth's "Peace Sells" spoke to me on a level I'll never understand. As I sat there, facing the prospect of my own demise, facing telling people I was going, one line stood out and told me to stop.
"If there's a new way, I'll be the first in line. But it better work this time."
The song, to me, is pretty much Dave Mustaine's letter to a world which doesn't want to accept him. It's his way of telling them that he's not going to conform to their ideals or their models. That he's not going to live within their expectations and that this life's his for the making.
For me, it was a song which spoke about my own life. Never have I wanted to fit in with what's deemed "normal". Never have I found myself able to and it's what pushed me close to the brink so many times. Trying to fit in with the ideals of those around me, my family, my friends, my work colleagues. And it took a song for me to realise that I don't have to be like everyone else, that I don't have to live the rat race. Slowly, but surely, I'm getting there. Slowly, but surely, I'm becoming the person I've always wanted to be. It's been a long process, but now I realise that I don't have to be a round peg trying to fit in to a square hole.
The above quoted line is now my motto although I drop the "But it better work this time". For me, it has negative connotations, the idea that whatever I'm trying isn't going to work. I can make it work, but it'll take blood, sweat, and tears.
There's a veiled reference to the song in "Mars on the Rise", a subtle thank you to the band. If you've spotted it, let me know! Drop me an email or a comment, and tell me.
But never give up. Never let go of who you want to be or what you want to do. Don't let people get you down. Don't let them dictate to you. Don't let the darkness take over and ruin your life. You can be whoever you want to be.