Sometimes I leave this
blog for a while because I feel like I have nothing to say. It
happens out in the real world, too, when my brain and mouth don't
co-operate and I forget what I was going to say or just can't get the
right words out in time. It's the same when it comes to writing. That
has a name and we call it Writer's Block.
How it sometimes feels!
Some of it comes down
to a feeling of uselessness, of feeling isolated in a world that I
don't connect with. There are some days when I sit and watch the
news, or read a magazine, or scroll through social media and feel
like I'm living on a planet that isn't my home. I wonder why people
find celebrities fascinating, why wars continue to happen over the
tiniest thing, or why a video is suddenly headline news. For me,
there are days when none of it makes sense and it feels as though you
can't see the wood for the trees.
Other times, it's a
sense that my voice is too small for this world. That people don't
want to listen because, to them, what I have to say is of no meaning.
So why waste the time trying to verbalise my opinions to such people?
Some of it could also
be down to still adjusting to a life without medication. It's not
unknown for the body to take months to make the adjustment, long
after the brain has made the necessary alterations.
More often than not,
it's related to stress and the exhaustion that brings with it.
Recently I moved house and, for the first two weeks, I could do
little more than sleep and work. I'd get up, go to work, come home,
and just... fade as though there was a switch deep inside of me that
would flick off. It was that point where you knew you'd get nothing
more done that day. Which is tough to deal with especially when
there's a hundred and one things you want to do.
For me, I saw it as a
chance to relax and heal. This is a new stage in life. A new place
for me to be. A chance for me to sort out my old belongings and put
plans in to action for the next period of this thing that we call
“Life”. There's many things I want to do and now I feel like I
have a fighting chance of doing them. One thing I am learning is that
it takes time. Things don't happen overnight. Nor do they happen
without some kind of effort on our part. Blood, sweat and tears
really do lead to success, whether it's today, tomorrow, or in ten
years time.
But there are also
times when you just need to take it easy and appreciate what you have
around you. For none of us know what tomorrow brings.
~~~
Rae is the author of the award winning Veetu Industries series. You can find all of her books here.
It's real,
folks. Very, very real. For many people, music isn't just a passing
phase. It's a way of life. It's a big deal with bands and songs
meaning something to them. They go to shows. They collect
merchandise. They listen to the albums so often they can quote the
songs word for word. Most of all, they have a connection to the
people behind that music.
And there's
no better place to experience that than at a concert. It's in those
hallowed venues that friends and memories are made and deeper
connections are formed. The people in the venue, whether they realise
it or not, are a part of something. It's in those twilight, magic
music filled moments that things happen. For most, if not all of
them, the concert they're attending is something very special.
But it's
what happens afterwards that many people don't think about. Have you
ever been to a show and come out feeling as though life is amazing?
Your skin tingles, your ears ring, and your brain whirls. You feel
invincible. You feel as though you can take on the world.
And then you
wake up the following morning. At first, you feel great. You go
through the photos you took. You hum along with the songs you sang
the previous night. You look at the merch you bought. You fondly
remember the friends, both old and new, that you met.
Yet it
doesn't last for long. As the day wears on you feel sad. You might
put it down to tiredness, aching legs, or ringing ears. Your
movements become slower and eventually you find yourself sitting and
staring into space. With a giant sigh, you finally admit it to
yourself.
I don't
feel so good. And it's not because I'm tired and aching and cranky.
My brain feels sad.
It
happens as the endorphins from the previous evening begin to wear
off. That natural high you found, and want to keep finding, is
leaving. All you want to do is grab hold of it again and never let
go. It's even harder to deal with if you want to see that band again
and they're not coming anywhere near you for the next few years.
Suddenly the wait feels like a lifetime. You might have to go through
another tour cycle with the band visiting places you can only dream
of visiting. You might have to wait for another album to be released.
You might even have to wait while the band take a well earned break.
It can seem like a long, long time.
Post-gig
depression is very real and it's important that you take care of
yourself in those moments. Talk to people you went to the show with,
or even people you didn't. Surround yourself with fellow fans so you
relive the excitement and plan for the next one. Just never give up
on the music because soon it'll be time to dance again!
Wales is famous for many things. Its scenery is world renowned while the country's food regularly wins awards. Many people call it their home land, including Catherine Zeta-Jones, Griff Rhys Jones and, of course, Tom Jones.
Now there's a new group of Welshmen elbowing their way into the music world. Comprised of seasoned musicians, Beyond The Break have the kind of heavy, grinding sound that fans of hard rock and heavy metal have been searching for for a long time.
~~~
Hi, guys! Please tell
us a little about yourselves.
Hi!
We are Paul Jones (guitars and vocal)
Richard
Thomas-James (guitars)
Chris
Francis (bass) and
Aled
Richards (drums)
You formed in early
2015 and you already have an EP out as well as doing as many shows as
possible. Your members have played with several household names
including 21 Against and Catatonia. How did the band come about?
We
have all known each other and been different bands for years, gone
out, supported each other’s bands, watched each other play live and
so on. But with us being in bands there was never an opportunity for
us to get together. Kind of like the timing wasn’t right like a
relationship I guess. But when it did happen, we knew it was right.
You've got a really
great hard rock sound, something that a lot of people seem to be
crying out for. Where do you draw your inspiration from? Who are your
influences? Do your past bands and endeavours play a part in your
music? Or did you want to do something completely new and different?
As
a group we have bands we all like with wider influences from
different places literally from Motown to Megadeth. There has been
no conscious effort to be new and different, in all the guises we
have been in, rock has been the main style. But with all our
different history, which we have definitely learnt and grown from,
us coming together now equals the sound we have.
The EP was recorded as
live sessions. Do you feel it gives a different dynamic to the
finished product as opposed to other recording methods?
I
think you have to find what suits you. For us, the label and
producer recording live was exactly what we all wanted.
We
like the sound that us four make in a room with amps turned up and
that’s what we want to capture. I think we have put that dynamic
across.
A lot, not all, but a lot of the modern technology is about
perfection and manipulation. That’s not what we are about, we are
a rock band, a good rock band and the recording gives an idea of what
we are about and what we sound like live as that’s how it was
recorded.
That’s
not to say we wouldn’t record using a different format in the
future, but for now, we like this process as the E.P sounds like us,
four guys in a room making noise.
There's been a lot of
talk about music streaming recently. What are your thoughts on that
as well as the current music scene?
From
a fans point of view, we all listen to music and want it to be as
accessible as possible. However, the days when you were paying £15
for an album after queuing up outside a shop have gone, with Spotify
for example being free or £10 a month for unlimited amounts of music
its obviously meaning artists are getting less money than they were
previously.
It
has certainly been better for us than I think we anticipated, our
Spotify count continues to surprise us, and at this stage right now
that exposure can only be a good thing. The challenge for us is to
turn those plays into fans who then buy the EP and so on.
I
think the most important thing for the UK music scene is we need to
do more to protect smaller venues. It is these which provide the
platform for us bands to build and grow, many iconic small venues
such as TJ’s in Newport have gone, the Fleece in Bristol could be
in trouble with new flats next door, we need to make sure that these
places stay open so bands can earn their fans by playing live for
them.
Gene Simmons says that
rock is dead. Discuss.
After
playing to 80,000 people at download it’s a strange thing to say.
I
don’t think rock is dead, every so often someone like a Gene
Simmons or Billy Corgan makes these statements, but the album sales,
downloads and concert takings for rock is usually top out of all
genres year on year along with the success of festivals like download
and Foo Fighters UK sell out stadium tour, certainly rock not as dead
as people like to make out.
It
is less supported by mainstream media in the UK for sure but rock has
never really been in the ‘charts’ as such, yet bands spend years,
their lives if lucky enough touring which is what rock bands and
rock fans associate with, not expensive videos and success in the
charts. There will always be rock music and there will always be
people wanting to go and see a live rock show.
When it comes to music,
you've been doing this for a long time. What advice would you give to
people trying to break into the industry?
We
would probably say don’t let breaking into the industry be your
aim. Aim to enjoy it, practice, write songs and play live. It’s
ok to be bad at first, keep working at it, you will get better and
before you know it you will get that great feeling when a song comes
together (the billy tingles!) Enjoy it as much as you can, be with
friends each show, travelling to shows etc and strive to be as good
as you can.
What's next for you
guys? New album? Tour dates?
We
have just agreed to work with a company that puts shows on over
Europe so we are looking to get over to Germany and a few other
countries if we can. Plus, keep on working with the U.K based
promoters to play shows over here. We are still writing too so have
a few new songs that we hope we can make into an album.
We
are humbled so far by the people who are listening to us and coming
to see the shows so we hope to keep on playing good shows live and
building on the start we’ve had.
We
have a list of upcoming shows on our website, so if you're near to one
come down!
Finally where can we
find you, and your music, online?
TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with a subject matter that some people might find triggering.
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Eight carriages.
One hundred and twenty
tons.
20 miles per hour.
It would have been so
easy.
One last breath.
One last heartbeat.
Before the void had
swallowed me whole.
I'd just read something
that had left me debating my future. In a matter of moments, the
crushing blackness of depression had changed me from happy-go-lucky
to tired and weary, settling over me as quickly as the coming of
winter. My heart and soul ached and my eyes stung with tears.
Suddenly everything I was working towards felt pointless and I
wondered why I was wasting my time.
Standing on the
platform at Queensway Station, I realised how easy it would be to
just step out into nothing. It would have erased so many problems.
The feeling of hopelessness would have been snuffed out in the flash
of a Tube train's headlights.
As I waited for those
lights to pierce through the darkness, other thoughts began to cross
my mind.
The train driver.
How will they feel?
My family.
My friends.
The million and one
other things I want to do with my life.
The things I want to
say to people before my time's up.
The words people
have said to me in recent months.
The
tears continued to well up. The pain in my body was all to real, the
dulled emotions I was feeling causing me to feel heavy and ill.
I
wanted it to end.
I
couldn't take it any more.
I'd
already suffered for so long, the constant up and down of my moods
grinding me down. Life, in that moment, was awful and, no matter how
hard I tried, I couldn't get the break I needed. My life was useless
and hopeless. Why bother continuing? Why not just end it?
There's
the rumble of an oncoming train. The warm rush of air in the tunnel.
The bright orbs at the front of the train appear from the darkness.
I
take a deep breath and watch as it closes in on the platform. This
was it. I could do it. Wipe it out and go somewhere better.
The
whoosh of the train racing into the station. The squeal of the
brakes. Taking a deep breath, I took a step forward and boarded. A
moment later the doors hissed closed behind me. I shut my eyes and
leaned against the plastic wall before placing a hand over my heart.
I'm
still here. That beating in my chest is the reason I'm here. It
wasn't time to go yet.
~~~
If
you're affected by anything written in this post, please speak to
someone. You
can find a list of helplines (sorted by country) on this website.
Look
after yourself and don't let anyone dictate to you what your life
should be like. It's your life. Live it as you see fit.
Families are
strange creatures. Some are wonderful. Some are... not so wonderful.
Mine. Mine
are wonderful and I know that I'm very blessed. Through the hardships and the occasional
disagreements there's light and love. Each of them has their flaws,
as they do their strengths. They've been through soul crushing lows
and sky-high heights. Even though we sometimes don't want to talk to
one another, there's always a connection there.
My mother is
one of those women who's steered us through thick and thin. While she
still might not understand that headphones mean we're listening to
something and therefore can't hear her, she's done everything she can
to make us happy. Even in times when we had no money, her love kept
us going. She's taught us so much in how to live, guiding us when
it's needed and being there when things get tough. No matter where we
are in the world, she's made sure there's always a place for us to
call “Home”.
Dad is a guy
of few words. Unless it's to crack a joke. One of his favourite
things is making us laugh. Even now that we're all grown up, he still
loves nothing more than seeing us smile. He's taught us to hang
pictures, build furniture, drive cars and do a myriad of other things
that would otherwise require the skills of someone more professional.
He made sure that our sixteenth birthdays heralded the arrival of our
adult passports. No longer we were tied to travelling with our
parents; he and Mum wanted us to know that the world was our oyster
and that we should grab it with both hands.
Finally,
there's my two little brothers who've grown into men I'm honoured to
know. They make me laugh on a daily basis as well as including me in
all that they do. Well accustomed to my mood swings, they'll check
several times to make sure I really don't want to go and do something
and try to persuade me that going out is for the good of my health. I
know that, no matter what, they'll always be there for me just as I'm
there for them.
They're my
family and, no matter what we go through, I'll always be there for
them. Whether your family are blood or one you've built from the
friends that surround you, love them. Cherish them. Treasure them.
Last year I had a break up. After a decade long relationship, I decided it was time to move
on from my favourite band and find someone else to love. How did it
go?
Well...
It started out great!
Even before the break up, I had another love lined up. They would
become my new favourite band and I'd go to their concerts, buy their
CDs, and collect their merch. We'd be happy together as we followed
one another around the world. It would be the perfect romance, a
blend of life and music.
Only it didn't work out
as well as I thought it would. It didn't take long for the cracks to
start appearing. I changed to love my new band and tried to fit in
with their world.
But, just like my first
love, things began to fall apart. We argued over things. I called
them “narcissistic”. They told me I needed to “Lighten up”.
So I lightened up and began to take their humour in good faith. I
began to enjoy who they were. I even began to listen to some of their
deep cuts, eagerly laying my hands on the rarities and long lost
shows.
Yet, at the same time,
I felt that I didn't fit in with them. There was something that
wasn't quite... right. It wasn't them and it wasn't me. We just
weren't a good team and I didn't feel like I was being true to
myself. I'd allowed myself to get wrapped up in their hype. There was
no way our relationship was going to work.
So I wandered away,
made that call and went back to my ex-favourite band. I feel
comfortable with them, accepted even. I feel like I don't have to
prove anything to be a part of them. I can just be... me. And that's
important.
Sometimes we want to be
a part of something. We want to be a part of a group or a gang. We
want to feel accepted and loved. Sometimes we even change to fit in
with a particular group. We feel that we have to in order to be
someone or to be accepted.
But it doesn't have to
be that way. The most important thing is you and what you want. And
if you have to take time away from something you love in order to
find out where you're supposed to be in this world, then that's
perfectly fine. You may never find a place where you feel at home. Or
you may feel perfectly fine by yourself, drifting along alone.
Whatever you choose to do is the right choice for you.
For now, I'm going to
have a honeymoon with my first love again. Who knows, it might invite
my second love and create a musical threesome. Have a great weekend,
y'all!
~~~
Rae is the author of
the award winning Veetu Industries series. Her latest book, a Cold
War post-apocalyptic thriller titled "A Second Past Midnight", came out in April. When she's not
writing, she loves anything to do with music. Obviously. All of her
books are available from Torquere Press.
The creative process
can be a lot like a dog (or cat if your cat is like that!) chasing
its tail. It can seem like fun at the beginning because you're going
round and round and getting dizzy but, man, you just can't catch the
end of that tail!
Every creative person
has been there. You come with an amazing idea and start working on
it. Sooner or later, you hit a brick wall. It could be a creative,
financial or time related wall. But it happens.
Then the chase begins.
Mortality and a feeling of time being lost may rear its ugly head.
Another idea relating to your original one may strike. Hopelessness
might settle in. You may begin to panic and wonder how you're going
to finish it. You stand up and once more try to work on that crazy,
brilliant idea you had.
Yet you feel like
you're getting nowhere. You feel like you're running in circles while
the goal you want to reach stands just mere inches from you. No
matter how much you reach or how hard you stretch or how fast you
run, you can never reach it. It always, inevitably, seems to stay
just out of your grasp.
Finally, you tire and
it's in these moments that the best ideas seem to appear. Once you're
taking care of yourself you find that the ideas begin to flow. You
may find a way to get that financial backing. That niggling plot line
may correct itself. Shows may seem to book themselves. But none of it
would have been possible without your own hard work.
How do you survive “The
Chase”? Learning to look after yourself is one way. Again, that's
something that many creative people don't do. We seem to trudge on,
fighting through illness and life problems to get to the end product.
We grind on until we can't take it any more. Learning to look after
yourself is something I'm only just learning to do. If I want to
sleep, I sleep. If I want to drink a gallon of tea and eat ALL the
biscuits, then I do. I've even learned to say “No”, something I
haven't done in a very long time. If I want to write something
completely random and off the wall, I do. While I keep my eye on the
end product, this is a freeing experience. And a nap in the middle of
the day never hurt anyone!
Do something else,
anything else. I've got some
phone calls to make. But there's an eight hour time difference and
waking someone up in the middle of the night just ain't cool. So I've
sorted part of my wardrobe, taken a nap, and now I'm writing this.
Create,
even if it's not what you want to be working on. Stretching the
imagination in another direction can lead it to where you need to be.
Talk.
Call a friend and brainstorm with them.
Try,
as much as you can (and no matter how frustrating it may be), to
enjoy the journey. You'll get there whether it's tomorrow or next
year. You can do it!
