Depression is a killer.
Literally. It's an all encompassing force which takes over your brain
and ravages every part of your life. Darkness that falls over your
eyes and clouds your vision, forcing you in to perpetual exhaustion
but refusing to let you sleep. Trying to fight it can leave you even
more tired and the will to live begins to fade.
It's the least
wonderful time of the year again, a period when the days shorten and
the air cools. It's a time when we're supposed to rest and hibernate
in readiness for the coming spring. As much as you may want to sleep
away the winter, life dictates that you must continue.
Over the past few
weeks, I've been trying to yank myself away from the clutches of this
illness. I knew that it was coming so have taken the usual
precautions and stocked up on vitamin D and daylight bulbs. But it
still manages to creep in and wrap its hands around your soul. All of
the joy that you've been feeling all year slowly ebbs away and leaves
you as a blackened husk. You know that the changes are happening and
you try to fight them. But sooner or later, all you can do is give
in.
Depression changes
people. Their behaviours and mannerisms change. I end up isolating
myself because I know that I'm not the person I was a few weeks
previously. Something's changed inside of me. I'm bitter and angry,
sometimes from exhaustion, sometimes from the things that are
happening around us. We live in a world that doesn't changes in the
brain. These are illnesses that are still seen as a non-illness
because there's no physical evidence. Yet, if you asked the family
and friends of someone who lives with depression, they'd be able to
tell you every single physical change that they see in those who are
affected.
In times like these,
the smallest thing can trigger a wave of grief. However, the smallest
thing can also help to alleviate the pain, if only for a moment.
Staying strong while life is threatening to drag you under is hard
and we have to constantly remind ourselves that calm returns once the
storm has passed. Fighting against it is one of the best things that
you can do.
“No matter what
happens, the sun will rise in the morning.” - Barack Obama
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